An elderly couple, Billie & Jack, were recently attending church services at The Villages.

About halfway through the service, Billie took a pen and paper out of her purse, wrote a note and handed it to Jack .

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Jack scribbled back, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

got me laughing.

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'
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Note from Russ; my hearing aids cost $7,000 (for two - one in each ear) and they work the same as the one in the joke.

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

The weathermen say the temperature is going to reach extremely high levels today, and everyone should check on the elderly and senile. Are you all OK ???

Banking Update Alert!

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely be going for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in. She turned and said,'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

His eyes lit up and he thought, 'This is my lucky day.' Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained... 'The egg timer's broken.'

The 85-year-old woman decided to take up sky diving.

After she attended instruction classes, the day came for her first jump. Strapping on a parachute, she stood awaiting her turn to leap out of the plane. But when she looked at the ground below, she lost her nerve.

Finally, she reached into her pocket, pulled out a small transmitter and radioed her instructor on the ground: 

"Help! I've gotten up, and I can't fall down!"

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2012

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.


Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


Number 8
Men have two emotions:

Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.


Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.


Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.


Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?


Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought For 2012

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.