For anything that doesn't quite fit into any other category.
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A middle aged guy is attending a series of personal financial strategy seminars. He can't help but notice a strikingly beautiful young woman who is also attending. He eagerly wishes to meet her and impress her.

Finally he musters the courage to introduce himself - - - and he adds - - - "My father is worth $20 million dollars - - - and he won't be living much longer." She is impressed.

Three days later his father telephones him and says, "Come over to my house. I want you to meet your new step mother."

The moral of the story: Women are better estate planners than men.
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche.
My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey.
But the stranger... he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home - not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about gender. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing..

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked ... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.


His name?....
We just call him 'TV.'


(Note: This should be required
reading for every household!)


He has a wife now....we call her 'Computer.'

Their first child is "Cell Phone".

Second child "I Pod "

And a Grandchild:
IPAD
Dick, the retired truckee, and his wife Sharon have went to the county fair every year,
And every year Dick would say, "Sharon, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

Sharon always replied, "I know Dick, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

One year Dick and Sharon went to the fair, and Dick said, "Sharon, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

To this, Sharon replied, "Dick, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."

Dick and Sharon agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Dick and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Dick replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Sharon fell out, But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room,

'Why are you down here at this time of night?

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'

'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said 'I would have gotten out today.'
GeneVH

My SmugMug
My PrestoPhoto
Now on Flickr

CS5/LR4/Nikon D300 & D70s/Win7
MISINTERPRETATION...


I was in a pub last Saturday night, and drank a few,
and noticed two very large women by the bar. They
both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are
you two ladies from Ireland ?"

One of them chirped, saying, "It's WALES , you
friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry.
Are you two whales from Ireland ?"

That's pretty much the last thing I remember...
Attitude is everything!
GeneVH

My SmugMug
My PrestoPhoto
Now on Flickr

CS5/LR4/Nikon D300 & D70s/Win7
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'
The Haircut

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he
asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased
and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the
shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when
he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept
money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor
is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your
Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.

'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay
his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and
leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
Everybody is aware of the mess the NFL is in with the actions of unqualified replacement officials. You can imagine the irate reaction of Packer fans after Monday's game.

This sign appeared outside a church not too far from my house:
DSCN2663.JPG
DSCN2663.JPG (103.94 KiB) Viewed 1443 times


Rusty
Some damage from Sandy that we've never seen

Image
So glad this is still here and going......I have been laughing so hard now I'm coughing!!! It was worth it!!!! :rotfl: :rotfl:
Jen Clark
Canon 7D/50D, 5D Mark II, Lenses: 16-35m 2.8L, 85m 1.2L, 85m 1.8, 50m 1.8 II, 70-200 2.8 IS II, 1.4 extender
Currently working with CS5/LR3/Aperture 2
http://imagesbyjeniferclark.com ...Images by Jenifer Clark...
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