Photoshop Creative

This is one of my Favorites

Mood ring

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought
me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to
monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big
red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your a$$ hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably fishing with his buddies."

The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

If I "volunteer" to keep the toilet seat down, is it safe for a guy to put a joke on this thread? Some of those gave me a sore stomach from laughing so hard.

quillabee9 wrote: If I "volunteer" to keep the toilet seat down, is it safe for a guy to put a joke on this thread? Some of those gave me a sore stomach from laughing so hard.

chomping teeth.gif

LOL! Sure thing Gail!


Everyone please remember that while this group is mostly adults, we do have younger folks wander in from time to time so please try and keep it at least PG13. Thanks!

I know......sorry Jane. Bad Jen, put me in the corner and I still get in trouble.........eeekkkk!!!!

Here is a another one:

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You CAN Be The Man Of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of gender that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."

Not to let Jen have all the fun ...


DOWN AT THE STATION, WAITIN' FOR THE TRAIN

One year, a traveling ballet troupe decided to perform Swan Lake. It spent months rehearsing. Two days before hitting the road, it held a dress rehearsal. Unfortunately, moths had gotten into the tutus. They were destroyed. And there was no place in town to buy new ones. So the producer called around to neighboring cities. Eventually, a shop promised to deliver tutus by train the next day. The producer went to the train station to await delivery. The stationmaster noticed him and asked if he needed help. “No,” he replied. “I’m just waiting for the tutu train.”

I know you probably heard this one, but it is one of the better Thanksgiving jokes ...

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York City two days before Thanksgiving. “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing," he says. "Forty-five years is enough.” “Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.” Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this!” She calls her parents immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing!” The father hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “OK,” he says, “The kids are coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”


I like the paying their own way part a lot.

WARNING: THIS MIGHT SHOCK YOU

A man went to a nightclub with a few friends. The bouncer refused to let the man in because he wasn’t dressed appropriately. The dress code called for a tie. None of his friends had a spare tie. After thinking for a moment, one of his friends said, “I know! I have a set of jumper cables you could use as a tie. Just tuck the ends in.” The man put them on, and headed back to the club. The bouncer was suspicious. But he agreed to let the man in as long as he didn’t start anything.

Oh that is a groaner!

THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SOME DRESS

A maiden was renowned throughout the kingdom for her beauty. One day, the queen learned of her. Being envious, she threw the maiden into the dungeon. And the queen made her wear an ugly, ugly dress. Every day, she saw knights riding past. She called for help, but they were repulsed by the dress. Eventually, she realized no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress.